I'm not being ungrateful, but I just don't get it. People tell me I'm inspiring, brave, wonderful etc... which is lovely to hear, but I don't think I do anything to justify these words. I'm just living my life to the best of my ability. Isn't that what most of us are trying to do, or are meant to do?
I do work hard to have the life I do, hence the notion of perspiration!! Those mornings when I'm dragging myself out of bed, at 6.30 AM to do my medication before my carer comes, to not go back to bed after she's been, but to get out and do things, does take a lot of effort, when you're exhausted, in pain, and know that the hospital appointments you've got that week will be soul destroying and frustrating, but still I get up and get on with the rest of life. This to me isn't inspiring, just the tale of my wonky body. Thousands of people out there are doing similar things. Can we all be inspiring? As a friend of mine said, what exactly are we inspiring people to do? Are they just using the word, but with no real implications to their life? If so, are we really inspiring?
It seems to me, that so many people have the notion that a person in a wheelchair should be horribly depressed, and just sit around doing something. Now I know of people like that, but it had never occurred to me, until I was in this situation, that the majority of people had this image of a disabled person. It's not in my constitution to be like that. I'm fortunate in that my get up and go didn't get up and go without me, but still I don't believe in that striving to be the best I can be should receive words such as inspiring.
Although, I probably am hypocritical, but If I tell someone I think they're inspiring, it's not because of what they're doing despite their illness, it's that I'm impressed with what they're doing full stop. I think it's hard to think of yourself as inspiring though, especially if you're British as it's not the done thing is it!?
Thinking rationally I can see that I have a bit of a story, to have travelled through my journey and still be smiling, if it was someone else's journey, with the same hopes and dreams at the end of it all, would impress me, but to live in it and be on that journey, I don't think anything of it, just that it's my life and I want to make the most of it.
